No matter what stage of life you are in, the power of mentorship cannot be overstated.
Having a mentor can greatly contribute to your professional development and supercharge your success. So, how do you land one?
Fortunately, there are actionable ways to land a mentor without explicitly asking AND without even dropping the M word.
Lay The Groundwork
First, identify someone who impresses you. Perhaps there’s someone you idolize or has qualities you wish you possessed.
What you should not do is outright ask this person to be your mentor without a proper introduction. Landing a mentor isn’t a yes or no question. It should be within a conversation.
The last thing you want is your prospective mentor to view this as a job. Because it’s not. Mentorship is a two-way street.
The conversation should be framed by sharing your background, perhaps your education, and then expressing your interest in your prospective mentor’s career. You don’t have to say, Do you want to be my mentor?, in order to ask.
Rather, you can say you are interested in what they do and how they got there, and share that you wish to emulate or charter a similar career path.
Set Intentions (Not Expectations)
Introspection is a critical step you cannot bypass.
It’s important to know your why. Why do you want a mentor? What are you looking to gain from having a mentor? Do you plan to sustain the mentorship long-term?
Ask yourself what you intend to gain by having a mentor. Do you want to tap into their network, lean on their expertise, or channel their career path?
These are all questions that require you to take a deep dive into your thoughts and goals. While you don’t want to set expectations, as they can often lead to disappointment and perhaps a failed mentorship, it’s important to set intentions and a framework instead.
Ask For Guidance
Being asked to be a mentor can be burdensome for some. There’s a certain weight within the word mentor that could be a deterrent for the individual being asked.
Words matter. That’s why it’s important to choose your words carefully and keep your tone warm and informal. Try this by reaching out to your prospective mentor and ask them for their thoughts on something.
You can begin with flattery and say something like, Since you always have great instincts, what are your thoughts on ___? Any guidance there? and invite their input in an indirect way.
Be Open
It’s important to say yes to new opportunities. If you come off as closed-off, this makes it especially challenging for your mentor to help you grow.
Being open applies to both experiences and constructive criticism. If you don’t embrace feedback on your work, then your mentor might believe that you aren’t receptive to constructive criticism.
Being open, available, and receptive gives your mentor a freedom to pass along all types of opportunities and helpful feedback. This way, you’ll build a strong reputation for yourself as someone who is open-minded and eager to learn, which can open all sorts of doors.
Show Your Value
Notice how this step says to show your value and not speak your value. Keep your prospective mentor interested by keeping them in the loop on what you’re up to.
Share projects that you’re most proud of and recent accomplishments you received at work or in school. Make sure you are also bringing value to the table.
Value is demonstrated — not defined.
Be Authentic
Landing a mentor requires you to bring your full authentic self to the table. If you’re putting up a facade, your mentor isn’t really getting to know you and the value of the relationship will suffer as a result.
While it’s important to make a winning impression, you don’t want your mentor to think you are being fake or auditioning to be their mentee. Check your ego at the door and bring only your full, authentic self to the table in order to create an organic mentorship from Day One.
Adopt Their Attributes
Imitation is the strongest form of flattery and mentorship is not a passive sport. It requires action. Think of it like studying with zero plans to put your knowledge to use. It’s illogical.
Studying and analyzing your mentor allows you to adopt the qualities you respect most about them. Your prospective mentor could unknowingly recognize their own qualities in you and subconsciously feel more connected to you.
Perhaps you like the way your prospective mentor handles situations, speaks, or thinks critically to solve a problem. These are all recyclable behaviors you can implement.
Be careful not to confuse this part for Imposter Syndrome. This step is simply about growing into the person you wish to be, creating positive change, and putting your studying into action.
Demonstrate Drive
It’s understandable (and common) to not know exactly what you want to do with your life. There’s no need to harbor shame for being unsure of the direction in which you want to go.
What matters is having drive. You want to demonstrate that you are motivated and eager to excel. Drive matters much more than direction.
Plus, you want your mentor to feel like their time is being put to good use. Even if you admit that you are lost in terms of direction, convey that you are willing to learn and put 100% of yourself into whatever you do.
Practice Active Listening
A poor habit worth kicking is planning what to say next when someone is talking.
Practice active listening and be engaged in what your prospective mentor is saying. Ask thoughtful questions that expand the discussion further. Active listening is a surefire way to be more likable and is effective in any setting.
A good practice is to make mental notes of things your mentor has shared with you. Resurface details of stories they might’ve shared at a later date to show that you remembered your conversations.
Don’t Ghost Your Mentor
An important (and healthy) life practice is learning how to nurture your relationships. Even if you’ve landed your dream job or feel like your mentorship is no longer needed, keep in touch. You don’t want to be perceived as someone who abandons a relationship once you’ve extracted the value out of it.
Mentorship is rewarding at all stages of your career.
Avoid letting the relationship stall and put in the work to uphold the relationship.
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